i am going to try my best not to be cryptic.
invisibility: i have fought myself so hard, fought myself for something. i fight to keep from disappearing entirely, which is threatening to occur at the most rapid of paces.
this is how i feel, and it is honest, and it is real- place no judgements upon it, upon what i will say; do not administer your opinions upon my words and my most wretched sorry thoughts, your plastic stickers of bad or good, real or lies. this is how i feel and have felt and you cannot argue it away from me.
i feel: i could look you in the face and claw at your hands, your clothes, and scream and scream until my voice breaks but you, anybody, would never hear me. i am treading water right below you and you do not see me. i feel i have done these things and i have still, always, hopelessly, been Invisible.
i am that person who will never forget anybody but i am also the person most easily forgotten.
when i see you in your pain, with your sorrow and hurts, i destroy myself for them, for you. because i love you and i want you to be free from them, for ever.
maybe this is the plight of the Invisible: i am here to shoulder your pain, those things you cannot bear, and i will do it all so happily, and i will die beneath them, as long as you have hope for yourself. because you, you deserve it; i love you and have always loved you.
read this and condemn me, hate me, spew your loathing and contempt at me. i don't care anymore, i can't do anything on my own behalf. i give up. i am here for that express and clear purpose: to absorb all of those things away from you, because i deserve them, and you don't.
2 comments:
except that maybe...just maybe.... no one deserves anything, but some of us are just saddled with it instead of others through no sense of deservedness at all, but through a sense of capability?
I thought about you last night and was going to call but I know how much you abhor the telephone so I didn't. You are not forgotten.
No, you are not forgotten. If Blogspot had "footprints" like Xanga, then I think you might be pleasantly surprised to see how many people drop in regularly to see if you have anything new posted. Nor are you invisible; maybe just a bit inaccessible — in some different ways on different levels — at times. But aren't we all?
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