perfect: whole or complete
without mistakes
it is neither whole or complete
nor without mistakes.
it is okay that it is not whole or complete
it is okay that it is not without mistakes.
it is perfect because it is neither whole or complete
nor without mistakes.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
protect & survive
OH MY GOD NUCLEAR WAR
in this moment, an accumulation of the past two hours,
i am paralyzed with fear of impending nuclear war (!)
so much so that i cannot move from this spot on the floor (!) between the couch and the table, this compact position in which i have sat rigidly and flinchingly for two hours (!!) straight!
bomb shelter- i must have a bomb shelter!!
tomorrow morning after i wake up and before i ready myself to leave i resolve to construct a nuclear fallout shelter in the closet within my closet, behind my hanging clothes, and in this shelter i will conserve all that i need!
signs! i need signs!!
i will read all the pamphlets. the government will know what to do!!
no, but really. what is it about these dark quiet nights that make me so crazy scared of improbable things? i mean, commercials! i cannot see commercials! i cower at the bright yellow flash of those sharp thirty-second intervals, flash flash flash, the stonily informative voices, puerile and omniscient, reassuring the interminable fears (you will be realized-!) and telling me, white-eyed, do not abandon your fears (they will be realized-!)!
of all the ridiculous things-!
when i turn off the television, those commercials unspool behind my eyes, crisp and precise-
don't close your eyes!
don't turn out the lights!
don't climb from the hole in which we have buried you!
don't emerge into morning!
because- if you do- all of the potent dangers will succeed those suicide missions- poison fire hurricane war radiation sickness vomiting bacteria biohazard chernobyl explosions bombs death destruction mutilation horror!!! any and all things sinister and terrifying.
the emergency broadcast system-! that is when the breathing stops.
there in my ears, from the radio, the tv- sirens! alarms! screaming!
i will protect you-
you will survive!
really, and seriously, i need to get up, turn on every light, maybe play some happy music. something full of light and air and morning. but i can't get up because i am scared! a baby child scared! the kind of scared you are in the worst of your nightmares!
what a silly silly girl.
in this moment, an accumulation of the past two hours,
i am paralyzed with fear of impending nuclear war (!)
so much so that i cannot move from this spot on the floor (!) between the couch and the table, this compact position in which i have sat rigidly and flinchingly for two hours (!!) straight!
bomb shelter- i must have a bomb shelter!!
tomorrow morning after i wake up and before i ready myself to leave i resolve to construct a nuclear fallout shelter in the closet within my closet, behind my hanging clothes, and in this shelter i will conserve all that i need!
signs! i need signs!!
i will read all the pamphlets. the government will know what to do!!
no, but really. what is it about these dark quiet nights that make me so crazy scared of improbable things? i mean, commercials! i cannot see commercials! i cower at the bright yellow flash of those sharp thirty-second intervals, flash flash flash, the stonily informative voices, puerile and omniscient, reassuring the interminable fears (you will be realized-!) and telling me, white-eyed, do not abandon your fears (they will be realized-!)!
of all the ridiculous things-!
when i turn off the television, those commercials unspool behind my eyes, crisp and precise-
don't close your eyes!
don't turn out the lights!
don't climb from the hole in which we have buried you!
don't emerge into morning!
because- if you do- all of the potent dangers will succeed those suicide missions- poison fire hurricane war radiation sickness vomiting bacteria biohazard chernobyl explosions bombs death destruction mutilation horror!!! any and all things sinister and terrifying.
the emergency broadcast system-! that is when the breathing stops.
there in my ears, from the radio, the tv- sirens! alarms! screaming!
i will protect you-
you will survive!
really, and seriously, i need to get up, turn on every light, maybe play some happy music. something full of light and air and morning. but i can't get up because i am scared! a baby child scared! the kind of scared you are in the worst of your nightmares!
what a silly silly girl.
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